starting c25k

well, it's been 4 months since i've blogged. ouch... nothing really blog worthy to write about though, but last night i started something new. the couch to 5k running program.

i would like to use the term "start" rather loosely, because i didn't get off to a great start. however, i did start. i just keep trying to tell myself "if i can just start running, i know i'd fall in love with it".

a friend of mine said she was going to start this program, so i thought i would check it out and thought that it didn't look that hard, so i'd give it a try. i have to do something. i just keep gaining weight and getting more and more out of shape, and if i ever want to be a missionary in a remote place, i guess i'd better be in shape before i go.

so, this program is designed to teach you how to run a 5k in 9 weeks by interval training. you go 3 times a week with a day of rest in between your workout days. it's a 20 min workout. you warm up by briskly walking for 5min and then jog 60 seconds and brisk walking 90 seconds, and continue until you have reached 20 min.

i set out thinking this was going to be a breeze. jogging for 60 seconds is like nothing right? WRONG!!! the first interval wasn't to bad, and neither was the second, actually i did okay until the 4th, so i cut that one a little short, then the 5th came and i only did 1/2 of it. then i walked the rest of the way back to the house. my hair was plastered to my head, my chest was aching, and i was sure i'd done almost the whole 20 min. i took off my nifty arm band for my ipod and checked the time, and only 10.5 min had past! i'd only done half of it and thought i was going to die!!!!

i was still panting and gasping for air and was just gross when i walked in the house. by the looks of me you would have thought i'd already did my 5k! but i didn't.

this morning i was sore and stiff! we calculated how far i'd gone and it was a mile and a half in 10.5 min, so it wasn't all that bad. i plan on going again on Monday night after class, or again on Tuesday. i want to post each time i go so maybe it will keep me motivated? it's worth a shot!

if you want to check out this program, just google it!

i'm okay being me

the only reason why i'm doing this tonight is because two great friends brought me a snack. my sole intent was to go to bed early. but then a knock came at the wall (yes, the wall) and an offering of cookies and ice cream in a cup were at my door. these are friends who love me for who i am. and this is a great intro to my post.

for many many years i could never say "God loves me". i could say "God loves you" or "God loves us" but never "God loves me". through adverse circumstances God has shown me it's okay to be me. He has showed me that he created me just the way that i am. so i like to eat ice cream out of a cup, and i like to wear bright colored socks with plaid shoes. and i have a cat named Itka. i have learned to march to the beat of my own drum. and it's taken 29 years to learn it's okay.

before i wanted to fit in so badly. i wanted to wear the right clothes, like the right things, talk the right way, only to "gain" friends, or to cling tightly to the few that i had. i felt that i had to fit into whatever my friends thought i should do. i was plagued with fear of rejection! and i knew that if i would be the real me, then it would be weird and awkward, and i would drive people away. so i kept my real self to myself. i mean we aren't just talking high school stuff here, i'm talking adult stuff! i was a mess, and i was miserable! always afraid of what people were really thinking about me, and hoping that they wouldn't find out who i really was because that would destroy everything that i was trying to be.

and i felt that God felt the same way. that if i didn't talk right, act right, dress right, hand out with the right people, then i would be unacceptable, and would be thrown to the trash heap or be sold at a discounted rate.

then, something changed. one person that i tried so hard to impress faded out of my life, and i began to be me. i began to do the things that i wanted to do how i wanted to do them. express myself in ways that i would never have done before because of fear of losing my friend. i got tired of trying to be everything that everyone wanted me to be, or better yet, everything that i thought that everyone wanted me to be. i finally began to gain some confidence. i began to be okay with me being me. and it did something.

it wasn't until i was talking with my boss and spiritual leader about something and she said "you are unique and have a unique calling on your life, and you're fine with it until things pile up." and she was so right. i began sharing some things with her. and that's when i realized that i could say "God loves me!" talk about victory! it was amazing. i've been saved for almost 8 years, but have never been able to verbalize that God loves me. it's one of the most exciting things that has happened to me in a long time.

one of the songs that has had a wonderful effect on me since the first time i heard it is "oh how He loves us" i first heard the Crowder style. and i fell in love with it. not because i had the revelation that God loves me, but because it touches a deep deep part in me, that nothing else can touch. We sang it last night in church and i cried. i just checked my itunes and i have 4 versions of that song. and one version has been played 178 times in 9 months.

i want to leave you with an encouragement:

God made us all special, and He doesn't expect you to be just like your friend or sibling, or co-worker. God made you to be you, and no one else. for you to try to fit into that moulding is unnatural and will cause harm to yourself, and people around you. i hope that if this is something that you struggle with that you will find someone to talk to. and if your friends stop being your friends after you start being you, then maybe they were never really your friends to begin with!

"oh how He loves us!"

coming soon

i think i feel a new post coming on. i've got a couple of ideas running around in my head so we'll see what we come up with!

poem

Give me the courage to live

Give me the courage to live!Really live—not merely exist.Live dangerously,Scorning risk!Live honestly,Daring the truth—Particularly the truth of myself!Live resiliently—Ever changing, ever growing, ever adapting.Enduring the pain of changeAs though ’twere the travail of birth.Give me the courage to live,Give me the strength to be freeAnd endure the burden of freedomAnd the loneliness of those without chains;Let me not be trapped by success,Nor by failure, nor pleasure, nor grief,Nor malice, nor praise, nor remorse!Give me the courage to go on!Facing all that waits on the trail—Going eagerly, joyously on,And paying my way as I go,Without anger or fear or regretTaking what life gives,Spending myself to the full,Head high, spirit winged—On . . . on . . . till the shadows draw close.Then even when darkness shuts down,And I go out alone, as I came,Naked and blind as I came—Even then, gracious God, hear my prayer:Give me the courage to live!~ by Howard Thurman (1899-1981)

Missions

we just ended our wonderful missions conference. it's one of the most wonderful times of the year. we had about 70-80 guests. we have services every night, and represetives from 9 different countries and 10 different states. on Tuesday night our speak shared this with us. i'm not really sure where it came from, but it is wonderful. it would be even more wonderful if we all lived like this. enjoy, and become a member of the fellowship of the Unashamed!




I am a part of the fellowship of the Unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit Power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, learn by faith, love by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.
My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear.
I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.
I won’t give up, back up, let up, or shut up until I’ve preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes.
And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My colors will be clear for “I am not ashamed of the Gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes..” (Romans 1:16)

FOR I AM PART OF THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE UNASHAMED!

great new song: not of our hands by 1000 generations

Let this be not of our hands, but by Your Spirit
Let this be not of our hands, but by Your Spirit

Lord we don’t want to move without You
No we don’t want to work in vain
Lord you know we want to be used by You
But we don’t want anything built in our strength

Cause we don’t want to move
We don’t want to move without You
No, we don’t want to move
Don’t want to move without You

Let this be not of our hands, but by Your Spirit
Let this be not of our hands, but by Your Spirit
Cause we don’t want to move, don’t want to move, without You
We don’t want to move, don’t want to move, without You

Lord, You know we don’t want to go before You
No we don’t, want to keep running
So Lord we pray that we will stay found in You
For without You, we cannot do anything

We don’t want to move
We don’t want to move
Don’t want to move, without You

Not by power, not by strength
But through Your Spirit and by Your grace
If it’s on our hearts, we’ll be on our face

Created on April 10, 2008 08:03:51 by ultaviolet-whitegirl

sweet e-mail

this is a super sweet e-mail from 3 ladies from across the women's home. we wanted to bless them with a snow man, but as you can see the snow didn't stick. however, here is the super sweet e-mail.

Thank you ladies for making a beautiful snow lady. I had hoped you would be able to make a handsome snow man and then we could have Pastor and Ms. Laurie. You tried to make it Tuesday in front of our apartment but the snow did not have any moisture to hold the snow together, but we ladies in apt D enjoyed the snow show you put on for us. Thank you very much.