surrender

I think that God has been talking to me about surrender.  it's a tough subject, and sometimes i would like to think that it's not His voice i hear, but my own.  but deep in my heart i know it's His.  i've been praying that i hear His voice, but i want to put in a clause, and say, but only about the things i want to hear about God.  You let me pick the topic, and then You can tell me only what i want to hear.  just in case you've been wondering about the "true" definition of the word surrender there it is from a dictionary:

a: to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand <surrendered the fort> b: to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another2 a: to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b: to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)intransitive verb: to give oneself up into the power of another : yield
ouch, that one hurt.  i think about titles of books, like "The Glad Surrender" and "Total Surrender" oh, and that wonderful song "I Surrender All"  i think i'll type out the lyrics to that song.  if we've ever gone to church i'm sure we've sung the song.  and it's pretty sounding.  our worship leader (Dan White) has recently written a song about surrender. it's a great song, and all of us are waiting for it to be put on a c.d. so we can sing along with it whenever we want.  however, do we mean what we are singing?  here are the lyrics and all four verses to the song.  in the italics i'll add some questions that God was asking me when i had my hands raised and singing this song yesterday.
all to Jesus i surrender, all to Him i freely give;do you really surrender ALL to Jesus?  do you freely give everything or just the parts that you want?  just the thoughts you want to feed?
i will ever love and trust Him, in His presence daily live.if you love and trust Him, then why do you pick the things back up that you surrender?  are you doubting His goodness?  are you cultivating His presence in your daily life?
all to Jesus i surrender, humbly at His feet i bow,humbly?  i bow?  that means submission to Him!!!  do i submit my thoughts daily to Him?  do i surrender my entire life to Him????
worldly pleasures all forsaken, take me , Jesus, take me now.do i really forsake all worldly pleasures?  or do i pick and choose the ones that i think i can hold onto without being hurt through it?  take me, Jesus, take me now?  does that mean right this second, because there are things in my life that i want to do, you can't mean right now could you?

all to Jesus i surrender, make me, Saviour, wholly Thine;now we are talking more of a prayer here, i can handle this...  i want to be wholly Thine Jesus, with nothing else in the mix, just You.  can You make me wholly Thine?
may Thy Holy Spirit fill me, may i know Thy pow'r Divine.oh Holy Spirit, i ask that You fill me once again.  i pray that i know You're power divine.
all to Jesus i surrender, Lord, i give myself to Thee;okay God, here's the leap.  i don't know where i'm going, i don't know what i'm doing, but i'm giving myself to Thee.  i'm to the point of total surrender.  i can't do this on my own anymore, i must have You!  You take control.  i'm wholly Yours now!
fill me with Thy love and power, let Thy blessing fall on me.God, Your love and power are the blessings.  i cannot be blessed without surrender.  total surrender.  i surrender all!!!!!!!
ahhh, the glad surrender.  to know that I am not my own, but that i have been bought with a price, and that price is the precious blood of Jesus Christ.  who am i to control my own destiny?  God, i surrender all to You.

change

i haven't been real faithful at blogging lately.  i do love it though.  it let's me air out my thoughts to a different audience than normal, and it's way better than writing an e-mail, if you don't have a blogspot, you should really get one, it's great, and you can always look back and see what kind of crazy things you said 3 months ago.  anyway,

things have been real busy.  there are lots of changes going on, and i know that God has been preparing me for some of them. one of the biggest changes that i know of is that the ladies are going to be home a whole lot more after Easter.  right now, only on Mon, Tues, and Wed evenings and Sat mornings are all of them (or at least 95%) are here at the same time, but there are big changes going on here at Heartland, like always.  i think the worst thing about change is the awkward transition time, you know where you're trying to get your barrings all over again.  i know some of the ladies will have a hard time with that, but they must learn, as we all do, that not everything goes the way we want it to.  

there isn't really much else going on except crazy weather, so I'll quit rambling and get off here and hit "publish post" so the Internet world can see what i have to say!

a thought

SOME PEOPLE ASPIRE TO BE GREAT, AND SOME PEOPLE ASPIRE TO GREATNESS.

bye bye what???

hello all.  just thought i would update you on the past few days. i took some time off and went to go see my mom.  we had made various plans, but in the end we went to the high school musical Bye Bye Birdie!!!!  it was the same one i was in 11 years ago.  whew!!!!  11 years.  seems like a lifetime ago, but it wasn't.  i was excited to go back to where i graduated from.  and i was way excited to see the first musical that i was in again.  

it was so funny because i was so animate about mom hurrying up and getting the tickets because i was concerned about them being sold out.  a little later, i had to laugh because i realized it was Warsaw and somewhere like Quincy where they could actually sell out of tickets.  anyway, mom and i had a good laugh about it.

we got there and walked in the door and it was very surreal.  i was like wow!!!! i felt like i was 70 years old!  i couldn't believe it.  i walked in and everything was so real, but so unrealistic at the same time.   we walked into the auditorium and they had an orchestra pit!  we never had one of those!  and Miss Johnson was there, and it was her last musical, i couldn't believe it!!!  she was retiring after 36 years, and 12 of those years she was my teacher!  i'm sure this doesn't make a whole lot of sense, unless of course you have been there yourself, but it was so weird. they repainted the auditorium, and got new carpet and new seats.  i don't think that the people built that for adults, there were like 5 inches for leg room.  anyway, they did such a good job, and brought back many fond memories of high school.

my encouragement to you would be, support your local high school fine arts, it's a great way for kids to get out of their boxes, second of all, if you hear of a play that you were in when you were younger, go support those hard working actors.  and lastly, go back to your old high school and see what kind of changes have been made.  you will feel like you were doing the time-warp again.

we love you Conrad, oh yes we do....

Misc thoughts

so I've been thinking these last few days about what to blog about.  there have been so many things going through my head.  you know, like lessons from the Chronicles of Narnia (i do still plan on doing it some other time though), and just random thoughts and stories of things that happen around the house, but I've decided to write on the other night at the ER.

i had to take a lady to the ER on Thursday night, don't worry, she's fine, and we walk in and there are a couple of people there.  not anyone looking like a real emergency (ours included) but there was this guy there.  he was kinda rough looking, bandannas on his head (i knew i was going to be making this trip so i had time to take mine off and wash my hair because "i would never go out in public looking like that").  anyway, he had on semi-tight jeans and a skull and crossbones t-shirt and a short jean jacket over the top and his hair was 2 different colors.  he just didn't look like someone that was a very nice person.  so as I'm sitting there assessing the situation, i hear the Holy Spirit say "you're so judgemental" so i quickly repent but then the next thing i do, I'm back judging again.  mind you i had a book in my hand about love, how fitting.  anyway, i just get frustrated with myself.  we are there for about 15 min and this older lady comes in and she's breathing real short breaths, like after every word she's gasping for air.  an ER attendant gets her a wheelchair and sets her down.  and she looks at the stuff about 3 feet away from her on the floor.  she lets out a sigh "oh my things."  any one of us could have gotten up to get them for her, but this "unruly guy" offers to get them for her.  he had a genuine concern in his voice for her and making sure she got her things.  as he hands them to her he says "ma'am everything is going to be alright, i promise."  he was such a reassuring stranger, and had such a care and afterward he looked as if he bowed his head and said a prayer.  the lady was wheeled back into the ER with a smile on her face.  it blessed me to be able to sit and watch this happen.  and once again i hear "Adrienne, you are to critical of others, not just this young man, but so many other people.  when are you going to stop judging them by what people look like?"  I'm an observer, and as i continued to watch this young man, you could tell that he was very concerned for whoever he was in the ER with.  later on that evening as we were waiting for our discharge papers, i saw him pacing quietly in front of a door.  i don't know what was going on, but i sent up a quick prayer for him and his companion.  as i sat there smug with my Christian book on love, this young man acted out what the book was talking about.  when will i stop reading long enough to act? 

a funny joke

okay, so it's a blonde joke, and i'm normally opposed to blonde jokes, but this one was to funny to pass up.

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons,
nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately
springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the
blonde begins to slide from the
saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm
grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides
down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious
to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the
horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled
in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding
hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from
unconsciousness when to her great fortune.....

Frank, the Walmart greeter,
sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.


And you thought all they did was say Hello.

around the world

well, it's 8:18 a.m. and it's already 53 degrees!  thank you Jesus!  there is so much to blog about these past few days, i'm not going to go into every little detail (or at least try not to), but i want to share with you some things about the wonderful missions conference that we just had.  it ended last night.  it was bitter-sweet, bitter because i didn't want it to end and for all of our friends to go back to their respective homes, but sweet because we can all go to bed  at normal times and not run around like chickens with our heads cut off.

so about our missions conference, we have it every year at the start of March.  it's from Sunday morning to Wednesday evening, with meetings in the evenings and sometimes even meetings throughout the day.  this year we had 10 countries represented along with 9 states.  all together, we had about 50 guests.  it was wonderful.  we meet some new friends.  none that i think i will quickly forget.  actually i hope and pray that i will remember them all the days of my life.  they lived a life of sacrifice.

the first guy i will share with you about it a man from Moldova.  during the Communist years, Christianity was not tolerated, it was persecuted because "religion was a crutch, and it was only for weak people".  this man grew up in a Christan home, which meant enduring persecution at an early age.  he shared while he was 10 years old he was at school and the teacher would ask questions like "did anyone go to church this weekend?"  or they would pick him out an ask him because they knew of his religion.  he did not lie, he would always tell the truth, and one time the teacher beat him over the head with a rod because he went to church.  this young man grew up loving God, then a time came when he had to make a decision what he was going to do, give up God and join the Party, or continue his relationship with Jesus.  as all wise people do, he choose Jesus.  as time went on and the persecution continued he knew that somehow he had to get Bibles in the hands of the believers, otherwise they would never grow.  to make a long story short, he found some other men willing to live a life of sacrifice and began to run an underground printing press.  God has done so many miracles in this man's life, and through this man.  it is an intricate story, but as this man spoke i knew he loved God to the highest degree.  he has a book called "While Children Slept" and i'm in the process of reading it (Esther, i'm going to bring it to you next time i see you).  i have hardly been able to put it down.  he has 7 children, and they too learned to live a life of sacrifice, when the children were young they were on a journey to deliver Bibles, and they got pulled over by the KGB , now where they hid the Bibles was they took out the back car seat and made a seat out of Bibles, the 2 children were in the back seat and the mother cleverly decided to have them "play possum" pretending they were asleep,  the young man knew he'd be caught, but the KGB officer saw the children sleeping and decided not to search the car.  this is one of many instances of miracles in his life.  however, there were so many people involved and they took EXTREME persuasions.  things that we would never think about today.  last night as all of our guests stood on the platform to pray for us, we returned the favor and prayed for them.  and i couldn't take my eyes off of this man who is now somewhere in his mid to late 60's.  i had laid eyes on someone who risked his life and his families life for the Kingdom of God.  he not only did it in the face of persecution, but also, did it breaking the law.  during the meeting he said so many things happened, and that he would tell us some stories, and there were other stories in the book, but there were some stories that he would never tell because he would much rather receive God's reward in heaven than men's applause.  i believe he really got touched over these few days.

now for the next man, his name is David Davis, he is from New York City and was in Broadway plays and the whole bit (seeing him i had no trouble visioning this), him and his wife moved to Israel.  they have a church on Mount Carmel, and they also opened a rehab for Jewish and Arab men, together.  they are having quite a bit of success.  people all over the world are amazed how this works.  there have even been Jewish men that have fallen in love with Arab women and have been married, and vice versa.  it's really incredible, i think it touched me so much because that's what we do here at Heartland.

the next man i want to talk about it quiet remarkable.  he's 87 years old and is a Holocaust survivor.  we went to the meeting yesterday to hear his story, and wow, what a story.  he has a very thick German accent, and was quiet comical, but very real.  he told the story how he and his family got kicked out of several countries because they were Jewish.  he told the stories about how no one knew him and his family was Jewish in Poland, but the school teacher began to ask questions because they wanted to take a survey of their students, like "who is catholic?"  "who is prodastant?" and the big question "who is Jewish?"  he was the only Jew in his class.  from there on he was treated differently.  when things first started to get real rough, the Jewish people could not go to the market until 10:00.  the farmers all brought their produce very early in the morning and by 10:00 99% of their wares were sold, and what little was left, cost a high price.  i believe he was rushed in his speaking and skipped around a lot so it was hard to make sense of a lot of what he was saying.  anyway, he said that he went to concentration camps, and one camp he was caught for doing something so they made him eat human waste, another time he switched numbers with another man so he could be with his son and Max could be with his father.  he almost got caught, but the guard showed him some mercy for some reason.  also, he talked about "the showers" where his brother died.  he talked about how for 3 months his dad saved his life.  his father worked in the kitchen and towards the end of the shift, he would cut a potato in 2 and put 1/2 in each of his sleeves and sneak it to his son.  Max said that it was a raw potato, and they crunch really loud, so he had to chew very very slowly so he wouldn't be caught, and that's how he stayed alive in that camp.  another story was they got moved to another place and the Jewish people had to build their own ghetto.  he said out of all places, it was on a Jewish burial plot.  the soldiers made them take down the grave markers, and make a road or something like that out of them.  the stories went on and on and on.  it was amazing.  one of the most remarkable things was he was #2 on Schindler's list.  he was one of the 11,000 that Schindler saved.  i think i could talk forever about this.  it's so very very sad.  i did not know this until the evening, but Max IS NOT a Messianic Jew.  but what he said from the pulpit, was amazing.  he said that he has never seen people this happy.  he's never seen kids this beautiful and this full of joy (our elementary lead worship last night, and did a dance).  he was so impressed, he's going to go to India with one of our missionaries who is from there.  i believe that his eyes have been opened to the goodness of God!  i believe he will be saved, and part of it will be because of this conference.

John and Grace were here (they are spiritual parents to Ms. Jan) John is 97, and Grace is 94.  they have been in the ministry for 70 years!  they were missionaries on the Ivory Coast in Africa for many years and came back to the states to start Shalom ministries.  last night they got an award for a life of excellence or something like that.  

well, i guess i'm done rambling about this now, it was just wonderful, and i wanted to share it with you.

real blog

well, it's been a bit since i really wrote anything.  not that is saying much, but anyway, thought i would update you on some things.

for starters, it's March 1st, 2009.  that's hard to believe!  and spring and Easter and the dreaded time change is just around the corner, lovely isn't it?  

today was the first day of the missions conference.  it was wonderful to see all of our far-off-in-a-distance-friends up close and personal.  the oldest person we have there is 97, and the youngest, 19.  it's really amazing.  Pastor was on it this morning, we have some people that are from Moldova so they speak Russian (I believe) i bet some of that stuff translated really funny!  and then i got to see some of my new friends from Oaxaca.  how wonderful!  this is going to be better than Christmas, yes, even better than getting my laptop if you can believe it.

tonight, the ladies and even us staff are going to be on the worship team.  that is going to be an unforgettable event!!!!!!!  it's been a little while since we've done that.  at least we don't have to lead.  anyway, a lot of the ladies are nervous about it, but it will be fine.

i guess not much else to say.  it's been busy, but not much blog-worthy!!!!